Although I miss the camaraderie with people who don’t know the words to Dora the Explorer, I do not miss working in an office. Sure, I miss that paycheck twice a month nicely deposited into my bank account, but I don’t miss the politicking, the drama queens, the lunch stealers, and the general malaise that would infect the office every Monday morning.
What I don’t miss:
(*) Annoying People. You know who you are. No one wants to hear your life story or the current “woe is me” situation that you are dealing with… for the millionth time. This is a workplace, and I am not your therapist. In fact, there is no one here that is medically qualified to help you. So please, go back to your cubicle and do some work, so I can do mine. You know, what we are getting paid to do?
(*) Lunch Stealers. It is sad that I even have to write this. These people don’t even think twice about going into someone else’s lunch, and partaking of what is clearly not theirs. Right and wrong are obviously elusive concepts to this bright bunch.
I once worked with a woman who was so put-out that someone kept eating her lunch, that she took matters into her own hands. She made a batch of brownies and put X-lax in them. She said that would “smoke-out” the culprit and then she would confront them. I’m not sure if she stood watch by the bathrooms or what, but she outed her lunch-stealer, and smiled with satisfaction the rest of the day. Like some demented Cheshire cat. Needless to say, anytime there was a company potluck, I never ate what this woman brought.
(*) Case of the Mondays. Yes, this is a term and it strikes every office building, every Monday. You come to work thinking “How can the weekend be over already? I have another five days until the weekend? Jeez…” The whole office is barely functioning until about noon. Then the despondency lightens and you find your groove. Until it’s Monday again…
(*) Office Politics. Missions statements, company policies, demotions, promotions, who’s in whose pocket… They are all drains on an employee’s energy. And no, having a “Friday Hawaiian Shirt Day” or some other nonsensical theme will not increase company morale.
(*) Oh Those Food Smells. I don’t miss the smell of burnt coffee because someone is lax in the “how a coffeepot works” department. Burnt popcorn that smells up the whole office for the rest of the day? No thanks! And for the last time, no reheating fish in the microwave! Seriously, how many times do you have to be told?
The corporate world does have it perks such as that nice tidy sum that you receive that helps in getting the bills paid. And some co-workers do turn out to be true friends. But honestly, I do not miss it one iota. I’d rather change diapers and read the same tattered copy of It’s Pajama Time over and over and over again any day.
Oh and the next time you are at a company potluck, I’d be careful if there are brownies on the table. Not sure what company this woman works for now…