I love my state. I really do.
But there are some idiosyncrasies out there that need some clearing up…
Yes, you do meet celebrities. I have met a few myself. But in Cali (yes that is how we refer to our state, yo), if you meet a celebrity, you do not go rushing up to them like some deranged Twilight fan. It’s all pretty casual and pretty much consists of a “Hey, what’s up?” and then maybe a conversation. You run into celebs (yes, we say that too…annoyed yet?) in the most random of places out here.
For example, about a year ago we ran into a celebrity at Costco of all places. A conversation was struck, and said celebrity’s wife and I discussed the best ways to handle a teething baby. That was it. We got in our check-out lanes and said goodbye.
I mentioned to a former co-worker that I met this particular person, and the first thing they asked was, did I get their autograph? Ummm, no. I’m pretty sure they just wanted to buy their 40 pounds of yogurt and be on their way. Also, I’m not 13.
We do have our own vernacular here, that’s for sure. See, I threw one in there and you didn’t see it! “For sure” is part of the lexicon here as is “totally” “random” “super cute” and “awesome”. I tend to say awesome a lot, if you haven’t noticed. But it’s ingrained; I can’t help it. I’m guessing it was one of my first words.
20 minutes. Everywhere and everything takes 20 minutes. If you are on your way to a friend’s house, and they call you and ask how far away are you, you automatically say 20 minutes. Running late for a doctor appointment? Tell them you’ll be there in 20 minutes. Pizza guy is late with your delivery? They will tell you that the pizza will be there in 20 minutes.
Why 20? I’m not sure and I can bet that everyone is lying about 95% of the time and have no concept of distance, but that’s just how we roll out here.
There are no winters, the sun is always shining, and everyone is tan and golden. Lies, all of it. First of all, I think the whole cast of Jersey Shore has the tanning department cornered. Seriously…there are people who are tan here, but then there are people like me whose skin feels like it is on fire, if I am in the sun for longer than 5 minutes.
We do have winters where I live, but it does not snow. Now granted there are parts of my state where this does happen, so I’ve heard. But its like Big Foot. I think it’s a myth 😉
So, I hope this clears up any lingering misconceptions you may have about the golden state.
Or, most likely I gave you fodder for your future stand-up comedy act.